An ode to my dear, dear cousin - Cos Tunde.

Dear Cousin Tunde, First let me ask, how are you doing on the other side? What's it really like? Have you seen Jesus yet? Or your Dad or my Grandparents? How could it be that you left us so early? It seems so unfair that people who commit the worst crimes are still alive, kicking and in good health! Yet, the do-gooders, the earthly angels, those who spend their lifetime bringing joy to other people's lives such as yourself are snatched away by the cold, cold hands of death at an early age. Why? You were only 46 and it was assumed that we would rock out your 50th, 60th and at least 70th birthdays. You were so full of life..... you use to call me a foolish girl, for allowing those 'foolish' boys to pull the wool over my eyes. You always promised you would show me a good time, show me how the 'boys' did it? We never did get the chance to do that, did we? I never went to see you in hospital, 'cos I assumed you would be home for sure. how could I know? I feel guilty, 'cos I should have! But I thought at the time, I had to support your family, so I went to your home every other night.... little did I know that you would not be back. I feel cheated but then, why should I be, when you have kids who didn't even know you as long as I did? Dad wanted to come in, to see you... he said he was there at the beginning, at your birth and wanted to be there to see you committed to mother earth... but those uneducated twits at the the British High Comm in Lagos (and I hope y'all are reading this) said 'Am sorry Mr Thorpe, we couldn't read your fingerprints'. What fingerprints? Don't they have a procedure in place on how people should place their fingers for them to be read? Anyway at least he didn't miss the naming of his first grandchild, the first son of the first son of the first son of the first son of the first son! But his thoughts are with yours'....Am sure you were at the funeral 'in spirit', did you see all the people who turned out to bid you goodnight? (I say goodnight cos it's not permanent, we shall see you again, at some point) Your family, (both here and the ones who came in from all over the world), your friends, (those here and the ones who came in from abroad), your work colleagues, (past and present), your patients (those here and those who came in from Nigeria). They all had nothing but good things to say about you.... and it was all TRUE, cos they really saw you for who you were. We tried to be strong, to be brave, for if we breakdown cursing and crying as friends and extended family, what would Aunty Doctor (your mum), Aunt 'Lizabeth, Tele, Yemi, Tami and Feyisayo do? What do Cos M, Cos Iyabo and Cos Dupe, your siblings do? Besides that, you wouldn't have wanted us to cry.... you were the life of the party. Cousin Muyiwa gave a most eloquent tribute to you. Am sure you heard it and were most proud that he has finally understood that to grab the average crowd, speak the Queen's English the way it was meant to be spoken.... pronouncing every syllable and delivering your speech crisply. Tele, she said the most beautiful things to you and about you. She cried a bit, but you would have been so, so proud of the way in which she spoke, everyone was impressed. She spent all night writing that tribute to you and 'boy Oguns' was everything succinctly delivered! She 'shattered' her GCSEs and was sad you were not there to physically hear her results... but I bet you know that she did you proud. Yemi took it hard at first, but seems to be getting better. We're bonding better now, he was the first of the lot to call me Cos D....now they all do. The service, I cried - you know me, always ready to shed a tear or two, or three :) but I didn't weep. I went to the cemetery and saw your coffin. I watched for a bit as you were put in the ground, but had to turn away after that. It all seemed so final, so real. I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't understand it. I didn't understand life. I am not sure I ever will. Orim and Olo, they've been VERY good friends. They cried.... it was good to see African men and more to the point, Naija men cry. You will be pleased to know you have many, many good friends. It's a blessing. I still haven't broken down, still haven't really grieved, I stop the tears by making myself 'busy'..... maybe now is the time to just let it all out so that I can move on? Yet how can I? Yet I feel I am, as I write, the tears flow freely when I remember moments in time we shared. You came up to Aber with me, you, cos m, Aunty Doctor and mum to celebrate my graduation with an MBA (yeah, yeah, hard to believe I am actually intelligent!). Still have the pics, and will scan it in to complete this ode.

Got more bad news again this evening, Aunt Lara passed on yesterday at 43. She would have been 44 next month. Am tired and worn out! Life is so, so unfair.

On the flip side, Olumide and Ymc had a baby boy, 2 days after you died.... He is called Oluwagbeminiyi (meaning God has given me honour). He met you, before he was born.... what a shame you aren't around to tease him and 'stress' him as he grows older :).

We will all be OK, for we know you would not want us to weep, but to get on with living and to enjoy life like you did. Your life was always filled with excitement and fun... and I will start living myself from today. You taught me to enjoy the 'finer' things of life... and I will, and I promise, my next car will be the coupe we talked about. I miss you cousin Tunde. Mill Hill will never be the same without you, but what can we do, but to take comfort in the knowledge that you are in our Saviour's bosom. There's no one to call me 'Damilola', or to say 'see this young girl o', or to call me a 'foolish young girl' or ask me where I got a particularly trendy pair of shoes from or to ask me how my career plans are going or to ask me who the young man in my life is or to harrass whoever it is I finally take home (you did a far better job than cosM would :)) or even to tell me about the next latest trend in the cycling world, which you enjoyed so so much. You made such great plans for the next Tour De France...... How sad that you couldn't achieve it. Your presence will be sorely missed at mum's 60th, cousin Iyabo's 50th, Aunty doctor's 80th, my wedding day... and at all times when the family meet. You're gone for now, but I thank God I knew you and I especially thank Him for making you a member of my family. Do not worry, we will care for those you left behind. We will live by the principles which governed your life....'enjoy life to the fullest', 'see opportunities when they come and grasp them', 'live each day doing something good for someone', 'learn from your life's experiences or those of those and improve upon it the next time round', 'education is the bedrock of knowledge' and 'smile at all times, for it costs you nothing and may bring a ray of hope to another'.

Farewell dear cousin. Farewell, till we meet again. Till then, Rest in Perfect Peace.

Loads and loads and loads of Love now and always.... Dami

- 'boo xxx

Nigerians and their vices!

So Naijas have been in the news again. Wish it was good news ‘this time’, but alas as always it’s always for the ‘bad’ things that we’re known for. In this case, the usual suspects – drugs and illegal immigration! First off, in the just concluded Scouts Jamboree in England (celebrating 100 years of their founding), the following scouts were discovered missing: 9 were from Uganda and Bangladesh (of course I have to mention the fact that others were involved in absconding from the Scouts grounds! Wouldn’t be patriotic otherwise and besides they didn’t even make it to the camp grounds. Lol!) and 4 from Sri-Lanka and Nigeria ‘vanished’ sometime during the 12-day event at Hylands Park, Essex. Police believe the youths aged between 12 and 24 (such a WIDE gap do I hear you say?) may have come to the event purely as a cover up (well you got that right). Now first thing, how old are these naija boys and if they are young (and so hoping they are, and not that they are ’30-something’ year-old MEN pretending to be kids!) Anyhoo they are now illegal immigrants! Don’t people think? This is my grouse with Naijas; they ‘never’ think about those after them… everything is about God dey, Everyman for himself! Now tell me, when there is another celebration in 50 years (to mark 150 years), would you be suprised if they were not given visas by the British Council (if we still have to beg to apply then)? I mean, come on people. It’s not like the streets of Britain and infact anywhere outside Nigeria is paved with gold! People work DAMN hard for their money and to get the simple pleasures of life. You see all these people who go ‘home’, they save for it… so don’t be fooled… and besides, you’re not there when they’re drinking the garri of it! And you lot who return ‘home’, for goodness sake stop ‘flaunting’ wealth you don’t have! It’s creating a false impression for all those who are too stupid (yes, such a strong word but o so VERY true!) to see that no one has a money tree planted in their backyard! I hope that these absconders are caught and deported on the first plane out! Twits! Every last one of them! Now you may say I’m one to talk, considering a not in Nigeria…. But I came here (to the UK) LEGALLY and anyway, I had a job waiting already! All these ‘Andrews’ wanting to check out…. Well all I can say is this – you make your own way yourself. If you can’t ‘make it’ for yourself in your own country, what chance do you have in another country? You either see opportunities or you see obstacles, but more importantly, life is what you make of it. (I use a full stop, ‘cos that’s what it is, it’s final!) Hard work and God’s grace will get you where you want to be, as well as recognising opportunities when they arise!

Anyway, onto the other bad news. Picture this, you’re at MMA (Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos, Nigeria) waiting to board the Virgin Atlantic flight VS652 to London Heathrow, when suddenly you’re told after all that hassle of queuing to check-in, bribing customs agents (not that we really do that...), going through the immigration gates (or should that be queuing and being harassed) and finally ‘chilling’ at the desk to board that you’re flight has been cancelled. Cancelled o, not delayed! Reason, a cabin crew member was found with 1.743kg (61.5oz) of cocaine on the plane! What to do with the man? String up the dick head! In this day and age! Is your job not earning you enough money? If it ain’t, then resign and look for other LEGITIMATE opportunities. Abi is it by force? Look Nigerians, stop disgracing us wherever you go. Remember you come from a proud lineage. These ‘get-rich-quick’ schemes don’t work! Don’t you know with money (or anythingelse for that matter) easy come, easy go! As our elders would say, let all those who have ears hear! A word is enough for the wise!

On a lighter note, apparently women drivers are putting themselves and other drivers at risk, by wearing Paris Hilton (not that freak of nature again???) over-sized sunglasses behind the wheel. According to a survey (who conducts these things? And worse, who in their right mind dreams up these surveys (it must be dreamt surely, cos no one in their right thinking ‘awake’ mind would.)). Less than 1 in 5 chooses sunglasses specifically for driving (err, why should we? We gotta look H-O-T behind the wheel). 3 in 5 opt for style before considering safety (not surprised… I would too, infact just treated myself to a NICE looking pair of shades, if I say so myself). O and apparently a fifth of the 800 (pere o! imagine!) women surveyed said they had driven with dirty lenses (now that’s so not on! Urrggh!!! These MUST be the filthy ones that keep their glasses in the glove compartment… mingy girls!). Meanwhile they’ll feel like they’ve ‘pood’ (posed) finish o (Nigeria speak).

Please remember in your prayers my older cos who’s recovering from a minor stroke…. Pray that with every passing day, God will perform new miracles in him. Thanks folks.

Okey dokey, that’s me over and out. Catch you soon.

Take care.
- ‘boo xxx

Curses and Nympho Gramps

So a group of Nigerian women say they will place a curse on the men in Naija if the government doesn’t free an Igbo separatist leader held for treason. Hmm, na wa o! If you people want to place a curse, feel free to limit it to ONLY Igbo men…. Abeg, I don’t want a useless man o! Lol! Such jokers! So you think your curse will work? Abi where do you think you are? Don’t you lot know that it’s only the Yorubas and by extension the Benin people who can place a curse that actually WORKS! But then again, after all that Okija palaver maybe they do have a working curse. Anyway, my point is this… Get a life! Raise your kids to be ‘good self-respecting men’, rather than the xxxx we all detest. Educate them so they can go into worthwhile professions other than trading, ‘19ing’ and recharge carding!

At the same time, it was reported in BBC News – of all places, that ‘Nigerians go crazy for a title’. First people… this hunt for that title has always been the bane of society. I mean in the old days, if you weren’t a Lady, Lord or an Earl, then you were most definitely a NOBODY! So it is rather hypocritical of the Beeb to headline this rubbish! Obviously their news correspondent needs to (and that would be a NEED) go back to journalism school – preferably NOT Mass Comm. in ‘Lag (do you know anyone who went there who ACTUALLY practices what they studied so ‘hard’ for- do I hear resounding ‘Nope’? Well then!). He (i.e. that man that calls himself a BBC News Correspondent) says to be a traditional chief is like being a small god. As if that’s not bad enough, he goes on to say that it’s seen as the peak of one’s achievement in life. Yeah, right! Hear this from one of the dimwits he interviewed. ‘You don't operate as an ordinary man anymore. As a matter of fact you are supposed to be in the upper bracket of society and that lifts you from the commoner’ says a man who became a chief in Delta State in the 1990s (yup, the time of the rise of the noveau-riche!). Whatever mate! If that’s what rocks your boat, then so be it! Apparently now, titles can be bought for around $200,000 to $250,000 – and yes, that’s thousand US dollars! Anyway the article was littered with words that only a naija can come up with… let’s see, we’ve got ‘pomposity’, ‘symptomatic’ and quite a few words that didn’t fit together, like… ‘Mr Engineer’. Na wa o! I'm rather tired today, haven’t had my 8 hours beauty sleep in about 8 days now. It’s telling on me. The humour is gone. Forgive me.

In political matters, apparently Yar’Adua’s new cabinet is filled with old cronies from Baba’s administration. All I can say is, o boy, better wake up and fashie (forget) Baba ‘Yabo one time! Baba, you’re over 70 (your declared age, but we REALLY know you’re like clocking 90) and supposedly retired! So stay in Otta and keep ‘servicing’ all those sisis (women) that apparently keep knocking on your door. Infact, rumour has it that when Baba was in Aso Rock, he had a ‘cocktail of 3’ daily! Na you o!! I bet Hugh Hefner is jealous .

Ok, the girl’s gotta head out now, traffic building apparently and need to get in a sample question and about 10 pages of reading.

Catch y’all soon.

-‘boo xxx