Now this list will grow in time, but here goes...
No. 1: White van drivers.... have you seen the way those twats drive, be it motorway, country lane, city road, cul-de-sac... whatever... Total Loonies! Now for those who don't know what am talking about, their equivalent would be bus drivers aka molue drivers, danfo drivers, red bus drivers (yup... they qualify) and last but not least the okada (scooter - cos that's what they are) riders. They are a nuisance and ought to be banned from the roads... OK, I know they have to make a living, but why can't Gordon Brown and his cohorts build their own road network for them? Good question eh?
No. 2: People who think that 'cos you don't live 'at home' (in Nigeria) you don't know what's going on and are in total denial... yes... you... Mr/Miss/Mrs anonymous. Of course I KNOW that there are paedos in Naija... what do you think 'gbomo gbomos' are? Huh!!! We all know (know in adulthood) that aside from kidnapping kids, they used them to commit unspeakable acts.. and used 'medi' or medicine or juju men to cover up their deeds! That doesn't include the randy old men (ogas - as they call themselves - bosses) who rape (yes...) their house girls (little girls usually or teens who help carry out chores around the house). To this list, we will also include the drivers, gate men, houseboys (who are usually older than the girls) and street layabouts (also known as area boys). O, let's not forget about the iyas (nurses, Au pairs.. you choose) who also carry out unspeakable acts on the young boys (and sometimes girls) who are in their care. They all carry out paedophile acts in one way or another! Yes, I agree we should speak out about them as a nation and stop looking at it as if the victim is the criminal... but if you'd 'read' my blog, you'd have understood that my issue was with Gbenga airing his dirty linen in public! Not so much for whatever is going on between himself and his wife, but for the kids who he has chosen to disown in PUBLIC! Did he carry out a DNA test on them? No... otherwise, I bet that Naija paper would have reported on it.... No... like all foolish men he pulled an 'Eddie Murphy'!! Well guess who laughed last... Mel B! And now dippy Eddie is paying child support... and that child when she finds out (and she will do) that her daddy denied her even before she was born publicly... well let's just say Mr Murphy better start dreaming up a bloody good reason! HA!
No. 3: Next on my list is people who insist on spreading jist about others... also known as back-biters, jobless ones, rumour mongers... I can think of others but they are not very nice! All I can say is 'What goes around, comes around'!, 'Never start what you can't finish!', 'GET a life!' and this song by Timex Social Club - 'Rumors'. In fact, this bit of the verse is VERY appropriate...'How do rumors get started, they were started by the jealous people and They get mad seeing something they had and somebody else is holding'
No. 4: Now this really does my nut in.... people who's kids are screaming or badly behaved in public and yet choose to ignore them totally to the discomfort and ear-numbing anguish of the 'shared space' guy.... Please be considerate! Yes, I have no kids yet.... but trust me, one ifoti (slap) and that child will sit up one-time! Mr NSPCC... Child Protection.. I dare you! Have you never heard of 'Spare the rod and spoil the child?'... Well then, it probably explains why half the kids in this town have the guts to torment their egbons (elders)! Bring back the cane jo!
No. 5: Customer service agents who insist on calling Mrs X, even though the form I filled out on the website stated quite clearly MISS!!! Yes o, I claim Mrs X, but people... I am not marrying my papa now... come on! And I KNOW my voice don't sound that old too! But thank you all the same o, I claim it in Jesus name... but alas.. e no go be my papa name... and seeing as our surname is so unique, if there are more of us somewhere... well all I can say is the man had better have a good excuse!
Right... off home I go... stay tuned for more.
- 'Boo xxx
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