About time too!

Leaders of the Episcopal Church in the United States have agreed to halt the ordination of gay clergy to prevent a split in the Anglican Church. The Church will also no longer approve prayers to bless same-sex couples. o ma ya wan gaan ni o! Imagine! Who would have thought that the cries of a few hundred million people on the 'Dark Continent' herewith known as Africa could have such an effect! Apparently, it wasn't until the African Anglicans threatened to leave the worldwide Anglican Communion after the ordination of the first openly gay bishop four years ago, that the Americans decided to 'yield'! I love this part .... 'The American Church was told to meet the conditions by 30 September or lose membership of the communion'.... Ha! In your face... we GAVE them an ultimatum! And the buggers caved in! Must have been the loss of all those tithes to Africa - or was it to Naija in particular that made them have a rethink. Yes, yes, say what you want, but we're probably the MOST religious nation in the WORLD! Think off all those streets in Lagos (alone... or where ever it is you come from).... thinking?? Now think of how MANY churches are on these streets... I bet you there'd be at least four (yup, 4)... that one on either side and at each corner :) for good measure! Now let's put back all that Christ taught us back into the church and into being Christian.

Now there's signs up all over supermarkets and anywhere that sells alcohol saying '21?'... apparently you can't sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 21. Picture this... up walks (or maybe 'bent over' (not funny!) walks) a seventy two (72) year old man into Morrisons - former Safeway in the UK before they were bought by yet another Yankee store to the counter with two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon. Conversation goes like this:
Check-out staff: "Good afternoon sir"
Mr Tony Ralls: "Good afternoon young man"
Check out staff (who we'll just label cos in future): "Can you confirm you are over 21?"
Tony: "No"
COS: "Can I see some ID please"
Tony: "No, where's your manager?"
2 mins later...

Manager: "Are you over 21?"
Tony: "No" (But thinking to himself... Are you a fool?)
Manager: 'Well, we won't serve you'." Picks up the bottles of wine and storms off!

Poor Tony, he says he felt embarrassed to return to the supermarket and wanted an apology for "the stupid and unnecessary confrontation." He adds: "I applaud any efforts to stop kids being served and standing on street corners getting drunk. But this was just totally stupid." I agree Tony... after ALL the decades you've lived on this earth, you get asked by some idiot (or 2 in this case) who is young enough to be your grandchild (or great-grandchild sef, if y'all started early).... I don't blame the dummy, it's because he hasn't been taught to respect his elders. If he had been given an 'ifoti' (a backhand slap - the most painful of them all!) or two he wouldn't dare ask that kind stupid question! Morrisons response was: "We take our responsibility with regard to selling alcohol very seriously and all our stores operate the Task 21 scheme, which addresses the difficulties our staff face in being able to determine if a customer is legally old enough to buy alcohol. "To further limit any element of doubt staff at the West Kirby store are required to ask anyone buying alcohol to confirm that they are over 21." And that doesn't answer the question Mr spokesman... someone OBVIOUSLY NEEDS to be replaced! Come on... how young could Tony look... when he's not Michael Douglas! Haba!

O well.... gotta shoot off now... Hey, Heroes Season 2 is BACK! yippee!!! and are you staying tuned to Prison Break Season 3? Please don't tell me what happened, fell asleep... I know.... terrible. But I did manage to catch America's Next Top Model Season 8.... watch it! Autumn is in... yippee... Welcome back QUALITY TV...




Adios folks...
-'boo xxx

Who are these FREAKS??

You guys watching the X-Factor auditions? Now there've been all sorts, but today's 'goats' take the biscuit - quite literally! Let's see, there was Raj who is a pharmacist by profession.... he claims he has spent close to 50k.. that's Britsh Pounds and not .... er what's the currency in India - ehen, Rupples.. oops, Rupees. Anyhoo Raj claims he's so musically inclined he's resigned from his job! So up he steps onto the 'X', opens his mouth and WAILS! Yup, that's as in he couldn't sing to save his life! To top it all off, he was 'surprised' they ALL said a big, resounding, emphatic N-O! Simon... and I love Mr. Cowell, he told him... 'Raj, I suggest you go back to your day job, 'cos you have as much chance of being in the music business as I have of going to the moon'! Hilarious!!! Freak 2 was some blck woman (obviously African and thankfully NOT Naija.... last year was bad enough, when some strange dude with a whole mouth of teeth made a complete and total fool of himself!!) that wore an England t-shirt and kept saying 'Am gunna win for England'... Err love, this is a Brit show.... and when she got her 3 'yeses'... we'll call her Mrs African... she's 46 by the way. Anyhoo Mrs African goes... again 'Am so excited, am gunna win for England.... Hallelujah'! Where did that come from? Freaky 3 was some HUGE and I mean humongous 17 year old girl, who arrived with her even bigger family in a frock! You heard me... a frock made by her dad.... looked like a snow white re-creation, except it's longer, dowdier and in XXXXXXL! You should have seen the look on the judges faces when she said quite proudly 'My daddy made my dress'. Needless to say fattie (no offense to anyone 'blessed' with a Little somethin' somethin') didn't make it... well, how could she when she couldn't remember her words... she went out, the 'Rolling' Family rolled in... well actually they stormed in, but I thought that sounded better (easy to imagine anyway). Before they could attack anyway... Mr C shut them up... straight! The man is lucky he is oyingbo... he could have been an Isale Eko indigene. Freak 4.... Dawn by name, who said she was an Apprentice jockey..... naturally Louis and Sharon and eventually Danni ALL burst out in laughter and Simon had to boot them out.... picture this, a 'modestly' put size 18 person, who says she wants to be the next Madonna! (In her dreams anyway).... O did I tell you she was all 'leathered up'... in a VERY short skirt and those caps gay biker boys don. Then she opened her mouth and 'whispered' her song.... dip! And let's not forget the five and a half month preggers woman with hardly any teeth who with her partner got abuse when she got her yes revoked.... come on... these things are stressful enough for those eating for '1'!! She claimed she was ready to do what it takes.... er I guess that included killing her baby! Some people!! The guy probably thought.... hmm my ticket to leaving the council flat we currently live in! Idiots!

And what the .....xxxxxxxxx........does Rafa think he is up to? He ALWAYS does this.... we should be on top now at the start of the season, so that towards the end when the Champions League matches are in full swing, we don't have to hustle!!! So what does he do.... leaves out Torres AGAIN from the starting line up! So we drew against the Brummies.... the only thing we'll be praying for now is that ManU V Chelsea ends in a draw tomorrow.... honestly Rafa, either you do your job or I'll be forced to stalk you till you get it right!

Just got in from Lille and am fagged out to say the least... I'll leave you with a few hilarious clips from the just concluded x-factor auditions... Enjoy.

-'boo xxx

X Factor 4, ep 6, Giggles (itv.com/xfactor)

Dawn the Apprentice jockey

X Factor 4, ep 2, Rachel (itv.com/xfactor)

The slapper!

Ding Dong the bane of English footie's been moved on!

Whooppee!!!!! Great news people, that self-serving, whingeing, nit wit who thinks he is God's gift to football (and English football at that) has FINALLY been given the BOOT! Abramovich, I would say I love you, but that would be a lie... but on behalf of ALL the REAL REDS - I say a deep-felt THANK YOU. So now Mourinho has finally left... supposedly by mutual consent, but we know better...... and none to soon.. shame it wasn't before the Liverpool v Chelsea match, when they were awarded an unfair penalty due to his constant moaning. At the time of his introduction as Chelsea Manager in 2004, he said "Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one".... talk about blowing one's trumpet! Well to be honest, you've got to do that to move along (preferably UP in the real world), but how about letting 'us' call you the special one? Let your achievements speak for you... OK, right now I may be shooting myself in the foot, seeing as of the 185 games he was in charge of Chelsea, they won 124, drew 40 and lost 21, a record that includes a 60-match unbeaten run in Premier League matches at Stamford Bridge!! And honestly, you've got to give the man credit/respect for that... his mouth just got in the way of his otherwise good work! He's reportedly been given a £10m pay-off by the Blues...Good for him...... like I care! Anyway, the important thing is at least he's out! Chapter Mourinho closed! Funny I was just discussing Chelsea with a 'gunner' last night... and hoping that Chelsea fell so far down the league table, they;d be struggling to get out of relegation (wishful thinking you may say..... but you never know....)!

So who's next? Rumours are it'll be Avram Grant ..... the man brought in as Director of Football (whatever that means) and Jose's nemesis. I can't wait for Sunday's match ... ManU v Chelsea... Sir Alex, work your magic!

In the meantime, here's three hearty cheers to Abramovich for booting Jose.....



- 'boo xxx

Part II

So where were we.. o yes, poor sod Thierry Henry has split from his English wife after 4 years of marriage pere (only!).... Seems the soon-to-be ex-WAG (wives and girlfriends - a term coined to describe the wives and girlfriends of footballers) will be making a killing (and i mean this quite literally) off her ex-husband when the divorce is final.... a whooping £10,000,000.00 (thought I'd write it in figures for full effects... did you count the number of zeroes?? And note, it's British Pounds, not jankara change o! Anyway, Claire AKA Nicole Merry, remember awoof dey run belle!!



Funnyyyyy the twins from Big Brother - Sam and Amanda Marchant have recorded their music debut - a cover of Aqua's 1990s hit Barbie Girl. The 19-year-old twins, from Newcastle-under-Lyme, who were joint runners up in the show, said: "It's a dream come true for us to record our favourite song of all time". I wonder what their first was.... O and I wonder if Amanda and Brian have 'hooked up' yet? Something tells me not... he's probably still in Lakeside, buying more white baseball caps and goodness knows whatelse! Well Brian, 100k pounds is a lot... better buy a house in your town Essex with the change! Just in case you want to buy their single, it's out next month... :) Enjoy.

- 'boo xxx

Those Niger Delta buggers!

First off, before I forget... I can't believe I didn't big up my boys for their 6-0 (yes, for all you doubting Thomas's, that's S-I-X G-O-A-L-S to N-O-T-H-I-N-G!) trouncing of Derby 2 weeks ago was it... I forget, the taste of absolute victory is still SWEET in my mouth! Now that's spelling d-e-r-b-y and including jara (extra).... lol! Fabulous boys keep up the good work... if you are still confused about who am talking about... it's the REAL Reds... the one and only bera (better) club... Liverpooooooooollllllllllllllll. (This means final, no competitors etc...!) Anyhoo, so it's away to Portsmouth this weekend.... please god of victors in football, let my team win (and spell portsmouth too)... that would be a first... let them be a sign to all the doubting Thomas's out there that we are numero uno (well, which we are right now, not to blow our trumpet). Give Rafa our esteemed Coach, wisdom, our Goalie (Reina or whoever keeps) an invisible shield to block ALL incoming attempts and actuals both from the other side and ourselves (we don't need no own goals!), our Defenders defense-sense, our Mid-fielders legs to carry the ball always to the other side and our Strikers legs like a Buddha, so they cab score score and score some more! Thank you god of footie....

So apparently those twits in Niger Delta who call themselves 'militants' (yeah right fellas... dream on!) had the nerve to kidnap 11 (not 1 o! But eleven) governing officials from Ondo state!!! And why? It was due to a row over payments for alleged vote-rigging! My people, what can I say? First you cross over into another tribe, then another man's state!! INSULT upon Injury! For y'all who don't know, as much as we (and by we, I mean Naijas) like to think (or should that be pretend) that we are all 'one', we are NOT! We base sentiments on tribes and even within tribes, we have ... what shall we say... we're very villaglistic (i.e. where your papa come from - translates to what village are you from?) So for a Niger Delta person to not only 'stray' into our land, but to also seize our kinsmen... well, there is a problem then? And look at the reason? How can they expect to be credible and be able to justify their actions (not that it's justifiable) if they were looking for 'egunje' (aka Kickback aka bribe equals CORRUPTION!) Come on!! The fools (what else can they be) say the Ondo state governor, Dr Olusegun Agagu, reneged on an agreement to pay them for helping rig the April election. Imagine! Shame no catch them o! The kidnappers are demanding a ransom of nearly $4m (like that's the number of yams they should be growing on their farms!). Such utter nonsense!

Look Mr President when are you going to put an end to this rubbish! It's getting out of hands now. Why should poor innocent people be held to ransom, just cos some uneducated (refusing to go to school), nappy haired, gun-wielding, wanna-be Che Guevara miscreants think they can claim money on their heads! Abi ki le feel (What do you think?) Honestly, my blood is boiling and I have to run, lunch break is over.... catch you this evening... the girl is BACK!:) I do apologise for leaving you in a lurch...

- 'boo xxx

Victim of the Fashion Industry

I just realised I've been ignoring all a y'all and am really sorry about that. Just beginning to get my life back into some sort of order. Anyhoo, not to bore you or anything... 'anyhoo' - I am feeling that word now, aren't you? Ok, I digress as always what's up with the fashion industry? First they make our clothes smaller, especially for us 'gifted' women and now they've hit an all time LOW... this time with shoes! Can you believe that? You walk into a store, knowing full well you're a size 5 - that's a continental 38 to the Europeans and a 6.5 to you yanks (hint! hint!... if you need the addy, let me know, will send it with all pleasure). Anyhoo, so I walk into a store (one I've used before o!) and my eyes spot these lovely pair of slippers.....conversation went like this:
Me to the sales girl, 'Do you have this in a size 5 please'.
Sales girl: 'I'll check, please wait'
Me: 'Thanks' (am so polite aren't I?)
5 minutes later
Sales girl: 'Here you go' (thank goodness she didn't say those dreaded words - mam')
So at this point, I try them on.... and yeah, my feet were a bit 'crusty' and shall I add 'corny' at the time but it seemed tight. Used the mirror to see if my feet were 'in' the slippers and yeah they were.... but just didn't feel right. Asked if they had it in a size 6... no joy, but being helpful, they're store in SW London did have it.... too far I thought (I was in the west end. It was a Wednesday and this lady had a groove - actually my b'day party on Friday and I got them in desperation. Tried them on the next day with the party gear and couldn't even walk! (but get this, I could dance... women do I hear some of you men say?) Had my manicure and pedicure .... tried them on, and nope, no joy! So I did the smart thing and got another pair... this time in a 6!! From another store though, but the 5 didn't fit, so it was the 6 I had to buy! Ok so this started with me lamenting about them cheating us first with clothes, now shoes... so how can I (or any of you ladies) get a 'free' pair of shoes off a man that you'll love and WILL fit if sizes aren't consistent? I did ask in Faith where I got the second pair from, and the girl confirmed that shoe sizes have gone smaller. Who the hell do these people make shoes and clothes for? Mini-mes????? I mean, come on people!! There is such a thing as 'average size'..... and average size does not equate to all the lollipop ladies out there (you know, those 'rexy' - as dumb Kate Moss calls herself - more anorexic than rexy, which is a combo from anorexic and sexy .. NOT!) and anyway, have you noticed all those lollipop girls (call them that 'cos they have BIG head and stick thin bodies... urgh!) have big ass feet! So tell me, how can you make shoes smaller then??? No common sense! I am a 5, I like to tell the world am a 5! I enjoy having small feet!!! So why are you making it seem like I have giant feet????? Soon I'll be 'upgraded' to a 7! I might be suing them... stay tuned!

It's 9-11, and we remember all those who lost their lives when those buggers hijacked and crashed planes into the World Trade Center and tried to crash another plane into the Pentagon. May their souls continue to rest in peace. As for them buggers... I hope you got the 24 virgins (or is it 100) that you did all this for .... more like a pit for each of you, filled with serpents with pain-tipped arrows for skin, to welcome you, who'll flay your skin every time you twitch... which will be like mmmm every second!

Hmmm and Gerry and Katie McCann, (parents of 4 year old Madeline McCann who was taken while they were on holiday in Portugal) have been named as suspects in the case of their daughter's disappearance! All I can say is I sure hope the Portuguese KNOW what they're on about... 'cos if the real abductor(s)/killer(s) - God forbid this part are out there, then goodness knows how many more kids are at risk! PLEASE.... I WANT to have kids... and don't need to be looking over my back every second (even though, really if I went on holiday... we either ALL do dinner in a restaurant or dinner in the hotel room)! Call me old fashioned, but when you have a family, your first responsibility aside from God is to them! Anyway, they say her DNA was found in the boot of the car... err folks, it would be. It was afterall the rental they used BEFORE she was taken!! Come on folks... just 'cos they took you guys to court and criticized you for your shall we say inadequacies.... does not make them killers. At this juncture I say... adios, don't want to have to eat my hat if they are the 'whodunits'!

Aiight folks, Veronica Mars time... see ya... O if I don't 'see' you before Saturday.. good luck my beloved team (LIVERPOOL - for those who don't know....) and may we have an 8-0 win this time :). When will the 'Hamster' stop crashing cars? If you're not familiar with Top Gear, that's Richard Hammond... I hope he is ok?

Catch you soon...take care for now.

-'boo xxx

P.s I do hope am entertaining you guys? xxx

It's a New Beginning

Hey, it's been a long long time since I've blogged. How have y'all been? I trust you've been in good health? It's my birthday in 3 days and I've decided that it's time to be grateful to God Almighty for good health, for a good life, for family, for friends and more importantly for LIFE! These days, I seem to dream about a wooden box in the earth, but I've decided it's time to shirk it all and be thankful. So what have y'all been up to while I took a hiatus? Hmmm...hope you've been good? So the Premiership has started here in the UK... I do hope you all saw Liverpool, my beloved club whoop Derby... infact we spelt Derby and gave them jara (extra :)). What a wonderful day it was .... and now who do you think the dondadas are at the top of the table? You guessed right... US! Take that Mourinho. Thank you Aston Villa for doing what we were denied... O yes, all you whinging Chelsea fans out there... the sooner you tell your manager to shut it and actually do some MANAGING, the better! Where was I? O yes, thanks to Villa for whopping Chelsea by 2 whole goals to NOTHING! What a joyful day it was... infact, what a wonderful weekend I had. So the sooner Mourinho shuts his yap, the better for all of us. Now the dip claims the race for the title is open. Open for who? No chance Blues.... take that from me! So it's onto Portsmouth this weekend... Good luck to the REAL Reds! Show them who the dondadas are! Chelsea faces Blackburn, let's all pray that it's an ass-kicking! :) O and ManU.. come on guys, whatagwan? Why are you guys 8th in the league? Yeah, yeah I know it's early....but thankfully you won your match on Saturday.... but I must say well done to Roy Keane and his team.... you managed to stave off your old manager .... well done. Anyway, let the victory dance continue..... Remember our whopping of Toulouse last week, the score line was wait for it... 4-0! Ha! Keep doing me proud boys, Keep up the good work Rafa.... keep doing your baby proud.

Anyway in other news, Liberia (yup the country) has discovered over 7,000 people on its payroll that don't exist or work for it... lol! Ghost workers they are called.... why this is news is beyond me? They should ask all levels of government in Nigeria, ghost workers are like the norm over there. Another of George Bush's pals has been caught looking for a shag in the men's loos! Really, Georgie.... one would have thought that with the way you preach fire and brimstone, your pals would be in full fear of the wrath of the Lord! (No jokes here) Senator Larry Craig@62, who claims he is not gay and that the police misconstrued his actions. Yeah man, you keep telling yourself that. The man has decided to plead guilty to soliciting (although it turns out he did it without legal advice). What's next for Georgie and his cronies? Who cares!

Hmmm thankfully I have got my full UK Licence! And to those who think it's like yam to collect...well make I see you try to get yours. Anyhoo from Monday it'll be more difficult to pass the theory test. Learners will have to answer more questions, 50 in total (yeah, I know it use to be 30). It's going up to 50 questions now.... here you go, try this http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/magazine/6976319.stm Note you need to answer 9 out 10 to pass :) I did (not that am one to brag - NOT!).... enjoy!

What else... I'd had so much to write... but my brain is shutting down now, it's gone past my bedtime... Good night and sweet dreams :)

- 'boo
xxx